


Realize

by XtinaJones91



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alex is very dramatic, And freckles, Angst, Best Friends, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Idiots in Love, Pining, Relationship(s), Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, lots of mentions of kelley's eyes, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 04:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20500616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XtinaJones91/pseuds/XtinaJones91
Summary: It doesn't happen suddenly for Alex. It's not a bolt of lightning or a grand epiphany in the middle of a random moment. She doesn't wake up one day and just know.For Kelley it's different.For Kelley it hits her with the force of a freight train and steals the breath from her lungs and makes her forget who and where she is for a moment before she pulls herself back together and recognizes the enormity of the situation.Wherein Alex finally has a realization about her best friend and then eventually acts on it.





	Realize

**Author's Note:**

> Hi...I'm new here and I don't know what this mess of a fic is but I've been sucked deep into the Kellex fandom and I tried to write a short drabble to start but this came out instead. Never thought I'd be on here writing fic about real people, but here we are.
> 
> It's got super vague timelines and very little mention of actual soccer and Kelley's POV is in it for all of like 3 paragraphs, but whatever, it's fine. I also could not think of a good title at midnight, so apologies for that.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this regardless.

It doesn't happen suddenly for Alex. It's not a bolt of lightning or a grand epiphany in the middle of a random moment. She doesn't wake up one day and just _ know_.

Instead it's a million little things that build and grow over time, some that she notices and others that she doesn't. They pile up and stack inside her head and her heart, one piece at a time until there's no room for anything, or anyone, else.

She comes to the realization gradually, like a faraway blurred image slowly zooming in and coming into focus. First, it's the rough edges made smooth, then the colors start to come in, strong and bright, and the image starts to take shape and resemble something real and tangible. Finally, the details appear - the curve of a line, the shading of a shadow, the texture of the foreground - and then the whole thing is present and real and standing before her asking what took her so long to figure it out.

* * *

  


For Kelley it's different.

For Kelley it hits her with the force of a freight train and steals the breath from her lungs and makes her forget who and where she is for a moment before she pulls herself back together and recognizes the enormity of the situation. 

It can never happen.

There are a million and one reasons why she can't, why _ they _ can't, and she's far too aware of every single one. She does the only thing she can do, the only thing that might work, and so she presses it down, down, down as far as it can go and hopes she can keep it there, locked away where no one can see.

But it's hard, because she doesn't do anything halfway, and that includes expressing her feelings and loving the people in her life. Alex is her best friend first and foremost and always, and she doesn't want to lose that. She tries to be subtle about the shift in the way they interact with one another, tries to protect her heart from situations that will only cause her pain, but she also still wants to be there for Alex as a friend.

It's not easy.

She manages it for awhile, or at least she thinks she does. But if there's one person who knows her, who can sense her every mood and action, it's Alex. She should have known this was never going to work; when it comes to Alex Morgan, there's nothing she can hide. 

When the confrontation does come she lies like her life depends on it, which in some ways it does. She invents excuses and explanations that sound hollow to her own ears, but it seems to work.

She should have known better than to try to pull one over on Alex. She should have known better than to lie to someone who knows all her tells. 

She should have known better than to go and fall in love with her best friend. 

* * *

  


The first time Alex confronts Kelley about her change in behavior she comes away from the discussion disoriented and confused and a little hurt. She could tell Kelley wasn't being entirely truthful with her and she doesn't know why. They don't keep secrets from each other - they've been through too much together for that - but now she's not so sure where they stand anymore.

Kelley has been pulling away recently, or maybe for longer and she just didn't notice because it was in small ways that she wrote off as normal behavior - a bad game, a long day, a busy schedule - all things she could justify. It was hard sometimes to maintain long distance friendships, even though they got to see each other a decent amount of the year for camps and games and various US Soccer commitments.

But this feels different and it scares her. She doesn't know what she might have done or how to make it right. She doesn't want to lose her best friend; it never crossed her mind that she ever could, but now it's an all-consuming fear she can’t ignore. 

She doesn't want to push Kelley but she also doesn't want to give her space if that's what she needs. Space never ends well. Space leads to not talking and not knowing how the other person is doing and not being a part of their life anymore, and then conversations become stilted and short and then non-existent until they only see each other when they have to or by accident and that's the last thing she wants.

Kelley O'Hara has wormed her way into every facet of her life and become the person she goes to for almost everything. And maybe that's part of the problem - maybe she's too reliant on her best friend, too selfish, too much. Maybe Kelley needs a break. Maybe Kelley needs more from Alex instead of having to be Alex's support system all the time. 

Maybe Kelley doesn't need Alex as much as Alex needs her.

Maybe Alex isn't ready to address that possibility.

Maybe Alex doesn't have a choice.

* * *

  


It gets worse before it gets better.

Kelley gets a girlfriend and they drift further apart. She tries her hardest to be happy for her best friend; she deserves the world and if this girl gives it to her then who is she to be jealous and dislike a person that she's never even met.

She has her own shit to work through, which in a fucked up way helps distract her from the fact that she and Kelley barely talk these days, that she has no idea what's going on in her best friend's life, and if that's the case then are they really best friends anymore?

Just when she thinks maybe they're done and this is when it all ends, when their friendship falls apart for good, they'll be back at camp and things will be almost normal again and the weeks and months of distance will slide away and it's like they never happened.

They never address it and it confuses the hell out of her, but she lets it happen because she's selfish and greedy and wants Kelley in her life any way she can have her, even if it's only snatches of time filled mostly by soccer.

It’s better than nothing at all, she tells herself when they’re apart again and playing phone tag and trying to follow each other’s games from opposite sides of the country. It’s better than losing her best friend completely to whatever is happening - or not happening - between them right now, she’s still not entirely sure. 

She feels like something is slipping through her fingers, but she doesn’t know what it is or how to stop it from happening. When she looks back on this moment it will all make sense and she’ll wonder how she missed something that was so glaringly obvious.

* * *

  


Even when she breaks up with her boyfriend it takes her another six months to finally piece it all together, to finally admit the truth to herself, and then she feels like an idiot who wasted so much time chasing after things that were never going to be right when the one thing - one person - she needed was there all along. 

She hopes she isn't too late.

Once she realizes that she’s in love with her best friend there’s pretty much nothing else she can think about or focus on. She wants to hop on a plane and fly across the country so she can look Kelley in the eye and ask her if she knew, and for how long, and if she felt the same way, and if that was why they had started to drift and Kelley had gotten a girlfriend and stopped messaging and calling and FaceTiming and visiting her as often as she used to.

She wants to know everything. She wants to hold Kelley’s hands in hers and stare into her lively hazel eyes and watch her throw back her head and laugh that ridiculous guffaw of hers and count every freckle on her face and arms and _ oh _ \- she is deeper into this than she thought. 

She breathes in and out and tries to slow the racing of her heart.

She can’t jump into this blindly with no plan. She can’t show up at Kelley’s door unannounced and profess her feelings. She can’t uproot Kelley’s life just because she finally came to her senses and opened her damn eyes. She needs to get this right because she’s pretty sure she only has one shot and she doesn’t want to mess it up.

She can’t lose this before they even get a chance to start.

* * *

  


Her moment finally comes several weeks later when Kelley's team travels to the west coast for two road games including one against her own team. She convinces Kelley to extend her trip through the weekend and stay with her instead of flying back with her team after their second game. 

It takes more cajoling and begging than usual, Kelley's initial reluctance causing her to doubt herself, but she doesn't give up and Kelley eventually agrees after she sends her a picture of the beach and the waves every single day for a week. It's playing dirty, but she's willing to do whatever it takes.

They text each other a smattering of trash talk in the week leading up to the game and things almost feel like normal again and she gets hopeful. Then game week finally arrives and Kelley is here, on her side of the country, in her state, and it feels like forever since they last saw each other even though in reality it’s only been two months. A lot has changed in that span of time, but Kelley's smile and the way it makes her feel hasn't, and getting to be on the receiving end of it in person is so much better than the sporadic FaceTiming they've been doing lately. 

When she meets Kelley for dinner the night before their game, the first chance she gets to see her due to their practice and travel schedules, she lifts her off the ground in a giant hug that's probably tighter and longer than it should be but she can't help herself.

"Easy there, killer," Kelley teases before Alex puts her back on solid ground.

"I just really missed you," she justifies. Her hands settle loosely on Kelley's waist, not wanting to let go and relinquish contact.

Kelley tilts her head and stares at her for a beat like she's trying to read something in Alex's eyes, but then she shakes her head and the look is gone and she smiles that soft goofy smile Alex has missed so much and the moment passes. 

"I missed you, too, Jan."

She rolls her eyes at the nickname and bumps Kelley's shoulder lightly, her hands dropping back to her sides. 

"Okay, _ Worms_. Shall we?"

Kelley nods and does a little bow with an exaggerated wave of her hand.

"After you, mademoiselle."

She rolls her eyes again (it’s a near-constant thing whenever she’s around Kelley) and pushes open the door of the restaurant. Kelley follows right behind, her hand resting on the small of Alex's back as they push through the crowd of people waiting for tables. Kelley's hand is warm through the thin fabric of her top and she's pleasantly surprised when it stays there while they talk to the hostess. 

They're lead to a table in the far back corner of the restaurant, a rare secluded spot away from the chaos of the main dining room. Kelley makes a dramatic show of pulling out her chair for her and the hostess finds it amusing. Kelley, always the charmer and a consummate flirt, throws the hostess a wink and a grin as she takes her own seat.

She pretends she doesn't feel a pang of jealousy when the hostess blushes and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. She can’t blame the young woman though - she’d react the same way if Kelley winked and smiled at her (which she has, many times, and Alex has always struggled to hide the effect it has on her. Curse that woman and her freckles). 

Kelley turns her attention to the drink menu once the hostess walks away, a small smile on her face, and Alex stares at her, mind drifting in a million different directions until it's been too long and Kelley notices.

"What?" Kelley asks, lowering the menu to peer at her.

She blinks and can feel her cheeks blush at being caught. She racks her brain for an excuse as to why she was blatantly and longingly staring at her best friend from across the table. The soft lighting and candles in this restaurant are doing her no favors; they cast a glow across Kelley's tanned skin and make her eyes dance with flecks of gold.

She swallows once, then twice, and shakes her head.

"Nothing," she says. "It's just... I'm glad we're doing this. It's been so long since we've gotten to be together, you know, in like a normal setting. And it's nice."

Kelley's concerned look morphs into a wide, happy grin, her eyes lighting up. She reaches across the table and grabs Alex's hand for a quick squeeze.

"Yeah, it really is," Kelley agrees. "I missed this. And you. There's been so much going on lately...it's been hard to keep up. I'm sorry for that."

She waves Kelley off before she can continue.

"No, no, it's not your fault. I've been doing a poor job staying connected to people. Like you said, there’s been a lot going on and I’ve been working through some stuff, and...yeah, anyways. We’re here now and that’s what matters.”

  
“What stuff?” Kelley asks, folding her menu closed as concern creeps back into her eyes. “Are things okay between you and Serv?”

“We’re fine,” she says quickly. “I mean, breaking up with him was hard and it sucked for a little while. I don’t think we’ll be close friends any time soon, which is understandable, but we’re good.”

“Is there something else?” Kelley asks, and she’s apparently not going to drop it as much as Alex wishes she would.

“Just trying to figure out what I want next in life,” she answers and hopes that’s enough to satisfy Kelley. She shouldn’t have said anything in the first place, but it’s too late now.

Kelley nods in understanding as her face grows serious and her eyes lock on Alex’s.

“Totally, I get that. I’ve been giving the same topic a lot of thought myself.”

Kelley doesn’t elaborate and Alex doesn’t push her to say more. There’s a sense that they’re both holding back, their words laced with deeper meaning and hinting at something they’re not ready to talk about just yet. A weighted silence passes between them and she pulls her eyes away from Kelley’s to look at her menu before her friend can uncover the secret she’s sure her face betrays.

“Enough of this deep shit - we haven’t even had any wine yet,” she jokes to lighten the mood.

“Drinking the night before a game?” Kelley gasps in mock shock, mouth gaping as she places a hand to her chest. “Why, Miss Morgan, I never.”

“Whatever, doofus,” she replies with an eye roll (her third of the night and they haven’t even ordered yet). “We’ll split a glass and we won’t even feel it. It would be wrong not to at a place like this.”

“When in Rome,” Kelley agrees, grinning cheesily.

“Did they not teach world geography at Stanford?” she tosses back, unable to resist the playful jab.

Kelley kicks her shin under the table and from there the rest of the dinner passes by in a pleasant haze of jokes and ribbing and laughter and catching up. Everything feels like old times before shit got messy and confusing and she went and fell in love with her best friend while she was still with her boyfriend of several years and said best friend was in her own relationship. 

Yeah, not a hot mess at all.

Kelley tries to pay for dinner or at least split the bill, but she brushes her off with an adamant ‘You’re my guest’ and a ‘Gotta spend that Nike money somehow’ to which Kelley rolls her eyes and mutters something about the closet of purses Alex has at home. 

She drives Kelley to her team’s hotel and hugs her goodbye across the car console, her seat belt digging uncomfortably into her shoulder. They part with a ‘See you on the pitch’ and a second quick hug and kiss to her cheek from Kelley that Alex isn’t expecting or ready for at all. Kelley hops out of the car with a wink and a smirk and the door slams shut before she can react.

She sits there for a moment blinking stupidly then shakes herself out of her stupor and drives away. She falls asleep later with a smile on her face and her heart feeling fuller than it has in a long time.

  


* * *

  


The next night Alex's team beats Kelley's in stoppage time, a hard fought, scrappy game that leaves both sides beat up and exhausted. They meet up in the parking lot after the game and Kelley scowls at her as she approaches.

“You really had to score the game-winner like that?”

She shrugs smugly and slings a sympathetic arm around Kelley’s slumped shoulders.

“Sorry, pal. Better luck next time. You played a great game though - I haven’t been covered that close in awhile.”

  
  
“Yeah, yeah, save the praise for later when the defeat’s not so fresh, _ superstar_.”

There’s no real bite behind Kelley’s words as hard as she tries to sound annoyed at Alex and she squeezes the smaller defender’s shoulder in affection before releasing her.

Across the parking lot one of Kelley’s teammates shouts for her to get her ass on the bus. Alex chuckles when Kelley turns to flip them the bird and yells that she’ll only be minute.

“I’ll pick you up at the airport on Thursday?” she says when Kelley has turned back to her.

“You don’t have to do that,” Kelley insists. “I can just Uber.”

“Make my best friend pay for an Uber when I only live like thirty minutes from the airport? I don’t think so, Worms.”

“Under Armour money,” Kelley jokes, but they both know she’ll give in to Alex’s demand.

“Send me your flight details, dummy.”

“Okay, Al,” Kelley agrees, her smile lighting up her eyes in that way that makes Alex’s stomach flip and her heart do funny things she can’t control.

There’s another shout from Kelley’s teammates and she nudges Kelley with her shoulder.

“You better go,” she says, and suddenly waiting another few days to tell Kelley how she feels seems impossible.

“Right, yeah. See you Thursday,” Kelley says but still doesn’t walk away.

Alex pulls her into a quick one-armed hug and wishes her good luck in her next game, afraid that if she holds her for too long or too close that she’ll blurt out all the words that are currently stuck in the back of her throat. She stands in the parking lot and watches Kelley trot off to the bus, smiling to herself when Kelley turns back in the bus doorway to give her a little wave.

* * *

  


She picks Kelley up at the airport after her second game just like she promised. There’s a smorgasbord of movie snacks waiting for them when Kelley stumbles in behind her through the door of her apartment. She’s got Kelley’s suitcase in one hand and her equipment bag slung over her shoulder so that her exhausted best friend is free to immediately slump onto the couch. 

“You played like a madwoman,” she praises as she drops Kelley’s bags to the floor. “You were all over the pitch.”

Kelley grunts in response from her face-planted position on Alex’s couch. She walks over and gives Kelley’s head a quick scratch before nudging her friend’s legs with her hip so she can sit down on the edge of the furniture. 

“Poor baby,” she coos and Kelley lifts her arm to flip her the bird.

She laughs in response and rests her hand on Kelley’s back.

“We don’t have to watch a movie if you just wanna go to bed,” she suggests.

Kelley flips over and pushes herself into an upright sitting position, rubbing the obvious tiredness from her eyes.

“No, no, I’m good, I swear.”

Alex isn’t convinced but humors her anyway.

“Alright,” she shrugs and picks up the remote. “What should we watch?”

They take a long time to pick a movie, arguing over several until Kelley yanks the remote from Alex's hand and settles on a random comedy from two years ago that neither of them have ever seen.

Alex gets up to dim the lights in the room and grab them each a glass of water that Kelley gratefully accepts. When she sits back down Kelley scoots closer to her and leans her head on her shoulder as the movie starts. They're barely twenty minutes in when light snoring draws her attention away from the TV and to her side where Kelley has slumped further into her and is now asleep with her mouth wide open.

She moves further down the couch and then carefully eases Kelley's head to her lap so her best friend can sleep in a more comfortable position. Kelley mumbles something in her sleep that sounds suspiciously like Alex’s name as she snuggles into Alex’s thigh.

Alex tenses for a moment and then gently combs her fingers through Kelley’s hair. She relaxes back into the couch and returns her attention to the movie, Kelley a warm, comforting weight against her. She tries not to think about how normal this feels, how good it is to have Kelley with her like this.

Halfway through the movie Kelley is still fast asleep, her breaths coming out in even little huffs. She decides to give up for the night and pauses the movie, then slowly lifts Kelley off of her so she can stand up. She looks down at her best friend and briefly considers just putting a blanket over her and letting her sleep on the couch, but she knows how hard Kelley played today and how badly her body will hurt tomorrow if she sleeps out here the whole night. Instead she bends down, gently scoops Kelley into her arms, and carries her down the hall to the guest room where a comfortable bed awaits. 

Kelley barely budges when she picks her up and doesn't seem to register what's happening at all. In her sleep she burrows into Alex's chest while she carries her and when Alex places her on the bed she has to delicately pull her sweatshirt free from Kelley's grasp. She maneuvers Kelley under the sheets and tucks her in like a small child, a soft smile on her face. 

There’s a moment where she almost slips into bed beside Kelley who looks so warm and cozy with her hands curled up under her chin, but that feels like too much for tonight. She knows Kelley wouldn’t care - they’ve shared a bed plenty of times throughout their friendship - but it means something different to her now and Kelley has no idea.

She bends down and places a light kiss to Kelley’s head instead, her hand falling to brush a wisp of hair from her cheek. It overwhelms her sometimes just how effortlessly beautiful this woman is, how she manages to constantly stop Alex in her tracks without even trying. With a final glance she turns from the room and closes the door, leaving it open just a crack like Kelley prefers (something about being able to hear intruders more easily; Alex has just always gone along with it). 

She leaves their untouched movie snacks on the coffee table and flicks off the living room lights before going to her own room. She lies in her own bed wide awake for almost an hour, her head spinning with too many thoughts and fears and wants. Eventually she drifts off and dreams of freckled skin and hazel eyes flecked with green.

* * *

  


They spend the following day at the beach alternating between surfing, paddle boarding, and napping in the sun. She doesn’t think she’s laughed this much in months. Kelley doesn’t mention the night before and Alex doesn’t offer an explanation as to how Kelley ended up in the guest bedroom. 

When the sun starts to sink toward the horizon they go home and cook dinner together, bumping shoulders and hips as they dance along to one of Kelley’s many playlists. Kelley throws diced vegetables at her while she tries to follow the recipe and it reminds her of the three months they lived together in LA after the London Olympics. 

Everything feels perfect and easy and right and she knows that she has to talk to Kelley tonight or she never will. Even if it means ruining the rest of Kelley’s visit, even if it means permanently ruining their friendship. She can’t lie anymore.

After dinner they clean up, Kelley drying while Alex washes because she’s extremely particular about how her pots and pans get cleaned. Neither of them speaks and the silence between them is both comfortable and suffocating and empty of the words Alex is on the verge of saying. If Kelley picks up on her anxiety she doesn’t give any indication and lets Alex work through it as she vigorously scrubs the dishes.

Kelley follows her into the living room and suggests that they finish the movie they tried to watch previous night. She makes a joke about not falling asleep this time but Alex is barely listening. She comes to a halt in front of the couch and spins around to face Kelley who almost bumps into her and takes a step back, surprise written across her face.

"Do you love me?" she asks Kelley, point blank and direct. She doesn't know where the sudden burst of courage comes from, but she can't control the words as they tumble from her mouth.

Kelley's forehead wrinkles in that endearingly confused way that makes Alex want to smooth her furrowed skin with her thumb and kiss her pursed lips. 

"Of course I do, Al," Kelley replies, incredulous that Alex would question such a thing. "You're my best friend."

And there they are, the two most dreaded words. Best friend. 

Alex has never hated them until now. 

She swallows and rephrases her question, barreling head on into the unknown.

“Are you _ in _ love with me?” she asks, heart in throat but her voice as steady as she can make it.

Kelley’s eyes widen and she takes a step back.

“Wh-what are you talking about?” Kelley stutters.

Alex watches intently as Kelley swallows and her throat bobs, panic in her eyes that Alex isn’t expecting and isn’t sure how to interpret. A charged silence falls over them and Alex reaches across the gap of space between them to tangle her fingers with Kelley’s. 

Kelley doesn’t pull away and she draws courage from that fact to help her get out what she says next. They may be the most important words she’s ever said to anyone. 

“It’s okay if you’re not,” she starts, as much as it pains her to say it. “But I’m in love with _ you_, Kelley. And I just wanted you to know that. In case maybe you felt the same way and there was a chance we could...I don’t know...be together. Because I wanna be with you, like, _ all the time _ and it’s killing me that I can’t. And I know you’ve got Ann and it’s incredibly selfish of me to even ask or presume or say any of this to you, but I know I’d regret it forever if I didn’t.”  
  
She takes in a breath. 

“So I’m here now, saying it, and hoping I’m not too late.”

Kelley blinks at her like she doesn’t understand the words that just came out of her mouth. She’s honestly not even sure what she said herself - she just kept going until she got it all out and now she can’t take any of it back.

She waits for Kelley to say or do something, anything, and it feels like the longest minute of her life. 

Kelley’s eyes drop to their hands where Alex holds onto her like she’ll never let go. She really doesn’t want to, especially if this ends up being the last time she ever gets to have Kelley’s hands in hers like this, like they’re the only thing holding her up and anchoring her.

“There is no Ann,” Kelley finally says, face still turned down and voice so soft she almost doesn’t catch her words.

“What?”

And now it’s her turn to be confused because she swore Kelley was still with her girlfriend; she would have told her if she wasn’t. Right?

Kelley lifts her head to meet Alex’s eyes. She doesn’t know what to make of the swirl of emotions she finds staring back at her. She always used to be so good at reading the woman standing before her. This is totally new territory.

“We broke up,” Kelley adds with a sharp twist of her lips. 

“Oh,” she exhales, not sure what else to say. ‘Sorry’ seems like the wrong thing for the current moment, and it would mostly be a lie. She’s sorry Kelley had to go through that, but she’s not sorry she’s single now.

“It happened a while ago actually. I guess I never told you. You were with Serv and I was trying to - I was in Georgia and we were both kind of doing our own thing and it didn’t seem important.”

“You’re important,” she blurts out, insistent, and this conversation is not going at all like she thought it would. “You’re important to me and I always want to know what’s going on with you, good and bad. I hate that things got the way they did between us where you didn’t feel like you could tell me that. No matter what I’ll always be your friend, Kel.”

Kelley nods, a watery smile on her lips.

“Yeah, I know, Al.”

“Good,” she replies and squeezes Kelley’s hands.

“But, uh,” Kelley starts and frees one of her hands from Alex’s grip so she can tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, a tic of hers that Alex has always been fond of. The same hand falls to the back of her neck and nervously rubs the exposed skin there.

Kelley ducks her head and Alex wishes she wouldn’t. She wants to - _ needs _ to - see her face when she says whatever she’s about to say next. 

“The main reason why I didn’t want to talk to you about it was because then I’d have to lie about why I broke up with her.”

“What do you mean?” she asks and holds her breath.

Kelley looks up at her and takes a step forward so that she’s fully in Alex’s space. Suddenly she’s overwhelmed by Kelley sensory overload: the scent that’s uniquely her best friend (salt and sand and grass and pine and _ home_), her freckles in startling clarity, the bright shine of her eyes, the huffs of her breath. She wants to reach out and tug Kelley across the last bit of distance between them, wants to feel the soft fabric of Kelley’s sweatshirt in her hands, wants Kelley as close as she can get her.

Her eyes dart across Kelley’s face, unable to settle on one place while her heart thuds a staccato rhythm in her chest. It’s too much and she has to look away again, her gaze falling to the floor.

She listens with her heart in her throat as Kelley speaks, her words measured and slow.

“I couldn’t be with her anymore because I was in love with someone else and it wasn’t fair to her for me to keep pretending that wasn’t true. Lord knows I tried to love her the best that I could, but it was never going to work out. Not when I couldn’t get someone else out of my head, not when I couldn’t stop wishing it was someone else I was with, someone else I was holding and kissing and loving."

Kelley pauses and takes a breath. Alex is too afraid to move, too afraid to hope, too afraid to do anything in the stillness that comes before Kelley’s next words.

"Not when I wanted her to be you.”

Her head snaps up and her eyes lock onto Kelley’s waiting gaze.

“You - you did?” she manages to get out. She can’t believe what she’s hearing. This can’t be real.

Kelley chuckles softly and cups Alex’s cheek in her palm.

“I’ve always loved you, Alex. I just never thought there was a world that existed where I could ever do anything about it.”

“There is,” she whispers. “You can do something about it right now.”

  
  
Kelley nods even though her eyes still hold traces of disbelief that this is really happening. Alex wants to banish her doubts and prove to both of them that this is real, that she wants this more than anything.

Kelley takes her face in both her hands and her thumbs brush lightly across Alex’s cheekbones. All Alex can do is stare into the shining hazel orbs that look back at her like she’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

“Can I kiss you?” Kelley breathes out.

Alex nods, unable to speak or breathe or think or do anything other than stare at Kelley's lips as they quirk into a soft smile. 

"Please," she answers.

It's not fireworks or sparks or explosions of color when Kelley leans in and kisses her for the first time. Instead it's a rush of silence like everything in the world has gone still and it's just them and nothing else. It feels like a warm summer day with the sun shining on her face, like the soft crash of waves against the shore. It feels like coming home.

Kelley slides a hand to the back of her neck and deepens the kiss. Her own hands find purchase in the folds of Kelley’s hoodie; one hand tugs her closer by the front pocket and the other splays across her back fisting the fabric there.

It’s Kelley who pulls away first, and she rests her forehead against Alex’s as she catches her breath.

“Are you - is this okay?” Kelley asks, her eyes fluttering open.

She doesn't have the words to express just how okay this is, how it's the best she's felt in possibly forever. She decides to let her actions speak for her and she presses a kiss first to Kelley's cheek, then delicately along the curve of her freckled jaw, to the corner of Kelley's mouth, and then finally, gently, to her lips. 

The second time they kiss is a lot like the first and she keeps waiting for it to feel weird, kissing her best friend like this, but it doesn't. It just feels right, like they were always meant to do this.

She wonders if Kelley feels it, too, this inexplicable sense of everything aligning, of her whole life becoming clearer to her than it's ever been before.

She pulls away first this time, breath coming fast as she speaks.

"Does that answer your question?"

Kelley laughs light and free, her lips bright with Alex's lip gloss and her hair mussed by Alex's hands and she's never seen anything or anyone more beautiful.

"I think I need one more kiss, just to be sure," Kelley requests and dramatically puckers her lips.

She laughs and rolls her eyes at the ridiculous woman in front of her who somehow, miraculously, loves her back.

She leans in slowly, eyes open as she watches Kelley’s close in anticipation. She stops just before their lips touch, drawing out the moment and teasing Kelley. She brushes her lips across Kelley’s like she’s going to kiss her there, but then darts up and drops a kiss to her nose instead. She pulls back and smirks, her hands on her hips while Kelley realizes what just happened.

“Hey!” Kelley protests and opens her eyes. “That wasn’t a proper kiss,” she pouts.

“Poor baby,” she teases as Kelley crosses her arms and continues to frown.

When it’s clear Alex isn’t going to budge, Kelley drops her arms and lets out a dramatic sigh.

“Fiiiine,” Kelley whines. But then her posture shifts and her eyes dart nervously down to the floor.

"You wanna finish that movie from last night and cuddle?" Kelley asks, hopeful and tentative and not at all as confident as Alex expected her to be. She also never expected they’d be standing in her living room kissing and confessing their feelings for one another, but here they are. 

"_Just _ cuddle?" she asks with a suggestively raised eyebrow.

Kelley blushes adorably and looks down at her feet again before looking up at Alex, her usual confidence back in the cocky smirk she now wears on her face.

"Well, I can't promise my hands won't wander a bit."

"Oh yeah?" she asks as she takes said hands in hers and pulls Kelley toward the couch.

"Mmm, yeah," Kelley hums as she distracts Alex with a press of her lips into Alex's neck. 

She tries to be smooth and graceful as she lowers them onto the couch, but they end up tumbling down in a tangled heap of limbs anyway, laughing and poking each other in the ribs. When they finally calm down Kelley is hovering over her, arms braced on either side of her head.

There's a look in her eyes and on her face that Alex can't decipher and it jolts her with concern.

"What is it?" she asks as she reaches up and pushes back a wave of Kelley's hair. She leaves her hand curved around the side of Kelley's face, heart stuttering in her chest when Kelley presses the gentlest of kisses into her palm. 

“It’s just - I’m so - and you’re - and I can’t...”

Kelley trails off and shakes her head at her struggle to get her words to come out right. Alex doesn’t mind because she finds stuttering, flustered Kelley to be incredibly cute. She waits patiently while Kelley gathers her thoughts and tries again.

“You love me,” Kelley starts, a look of awe taking over her features as she says the words. “You’re _ in _ love with me, Al, and that’s...it’s more than I could have ever hoped for and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but it’s also a lot for me to process right now.”

“In a good way?” she asks nervously, not exactly sure where Kelley is going with this.

“Yes, yes, of course in a good way,” Kelley hurriedly explains. “I don’t want to mess this up, you know? You mean everything to me, Alex. And if we’re going to do this, like _ really _ do this, I want to get it right. Because you’re it for me, Alexandra Patricia Morgan.”  


“Yeah?” she asks softly. Kelley’s words hit her square in the chest. Such a declaration should scare her, but not when it comes from Kelley. Not when she feels the exact same way. She doesn’t want anyone else.

“Yeah,” Kelley replies, a tender smile on her face.

“Good, ‘cause you’re it for me, too, Kelley Maureen O’Hara.”

  
  
And then she tugs Kelley down to kiss her and they forget about finishing the movie for awhile, content to get wrapped up in each other instead. When they do eventually put it on, Kelley spoons her on the couch despite being the shorter of the two of them (by only two inches as she likes to point out constantly) and her hands only wander a little bit (just like she promised) which Alex doesn’t mind in the least and strongly encourages. 

After, they end up under the covers of the same bed, and she gets to fulfill her desire to fall asleep with Kelley tucked under her arm and pulled tight against her chest and she still can’t believe this is real.

But Kelley is there in the morning when she wakes up and she’s already dreading the time she knows they’ll have to be apart while the rest of the season plays out. Kelley picks up on her change in mood and chases her sadness away with gentle kisses and breakfast in bed.

She chooses to focus on the here and the now and the amazing woman sitting across from her with syrup smeared across her cheek and a trail of whipped cream across her lip and she knows that whatever they have to face next will all be worth it for what she hope will be a lifetime filled with moments like this.

**Author's Note:**

> If you couldn't tell, the USWNT best friends quiz part 3 video played a big role in the numerous times Kelley's eyes get described and mentioned in this fic because that whole sequence of events destroyed me.
> 
> Leave a comment if you'd like. I've got two other Kellex fics currently in the works that I'll hopefully post soon - one is along the same lines as this one but with a lot more structure and way more Kelley POV, the other is a lengthy future fic/kid fic because I am a big time sucker for that shit.


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